Holiday Service- Move over, Mr. Grinch

I've been feeling really blessed these last couple of days.  As you might have gathered, its been a stressful fall around here.  I've been concerned for people that I love, and praying hard.  And I've been blessed.  Really blessed.  The peace I talked about in my last post is here, in my heart.  I am grateful.  It is sustaining. I hope I can hold on to it.

I love this time of year.  As I think back on holidays past, I remember lots of things- the kids faces, the parties with friends and families, the music, the traditions.  The presents I got?  A few, but not many.  

One of the things I remember most about holidays past is the opportunities  we've had to serve.  The year we cleaned out the girls Barbies and put several into "kits" with combed hair, a cute outfit plus a spare, shoes, a brush, etc. and took them to a Headstart class.  The year we dropped off a complete Christmas to a family in need and got to see their faces.  Feeding the homeless on New Years.  Sub 4 Santas.  Knitting hats, hats and more hats. Other things.  We're not perfect, not by any means.  Some years we've been able to serve more than others.  But always, when we've done it, its been a good thing.

I've done a bit of looking, and if you are still looking for opportunities to do service in the Salt Lake City area this season, this is a list of some things I have found. 

•  Boys and Girls Club of South Valley   

• Contact: Stephanie Linton #385-646-4948 Donations: The Community Learning Center at Oquirrh Hills Elementary (West Jordan) is in need of the following items: Copy paper, copy paper, copy paper.  They could also use any sort of art supplies (especially consumables), playground equipment (soccer balls, basketballs, jump ropes, etc.), other office supplies (staples, staplers, tape, pens and pencils, paper clips, binders), and cleaning supplies (Lysol disinfectant spray, or hand sanitizer).

• Catholic Community Services
  Contact: Janet Healy #801-428-1242
  Donations: Gift of the Drummer: Start a holiday tradition with your family, friends or company and sponsor refugee and low-income children with holiday presents this year.
  Needed items are: diapers (all sizes), coats, sweat shirts, sweaters, under garments, gift certificates (shoes, clothes, etc.), gloves, hats, scarves, educational toys and/gifts without batteries, toiletries and set of twin sheets. Simply go shopping and then bring the unwrapped gifts to CCS for distribution.
  Email: drummer@ccsutah.org to participate in the program or www.ccsutah.org for more details. 
• Children’s Service Society
  Contact: Emily Redd #801-326-4371
  Donations: NEW items for children 5 and under: board books and picture books. Ages 4-12: clothes, hats, gloves, coats, toys, and games. Ages 13-15: gloves, gift certificates, and movie passes.
• Salt Lake Community Action Program
  Contact: Danny Jasperson #801-214-3138 (djasperson@slcap.org)
  Donations: Non-perishable food items, baby supplies (diapers, formula, and baby food), and personal hygiene products.
  Volunteers: Distribute holiday meals and emergency food to hungry families in your community.
• South Valley Sanctuary
  Contact: Alexandra Flores #801-255-1095 ext.202
  Donations: Clothing, shoes, baby items, cleaning products of all types, detergent (powder), trash bags 39 gallons and 13 gallons, washing machine and dryer. Volunteers: Volunteers are needed to keep up with painting projects.
• The Children’s Center
  Contact: Penney Gregerson #801-578-2329
  Donations: The Children’s Center depends on the community to help replace worn-out toys and stock our shelves with snacks, diapers and clothes for the children. Please visit their website www.tccslc.org to see their full wish list.
• The Road Home
  Contact: Celeste Eggert #801-328-8756
  Volunteers: Volunteers needed December 21st- 24th to help with their radio broadcast to raise funds to help fight homelessness.
• Volunteers of America, Utah
  Contact: Lindsay Hinton (Lindsay.hinton@voaut.org)
  Donations: VOAUT serves youth and adults experiencing homelessness, struggling with substance abuse, and involved in counseling and treatment programs. Items are needed for Candy Cane Corner providing needed holiday assistance. Items include: new teen clothing, accessories, men's clothing, toys, backpacks, sleeping bags (new or gently used), tarps, pajamas, sweatshirts and sweatpants, long underwear, gift cards to grocery stores and clothing stores, bus tokens, movie passes, and holiday food items.
  Volunteers: Volunteer groups needed at several programs to help sort donations &/or host a donation drive. Other opportunities include helping at their Adult Detox, Center for Women and Children, and their Homeless Youth Resource Center to offer game nights, baking and crafts, holiday meals or other holiday cheer. Also, during the month of December up until the 24th they will need volunteers Monday-Sunday at their Candy Cane Corner store.
• United Way of Salt Lake is looking for volunteers to help with its gingerbread house festival, Dec. 14-17, 3-10 p.m. Those interested in helping should email emilie@uw.org for additional information.
• Bank of Utah locations from Ogden to Sandy will hold a warm clothing drive through Dec. 16. Coats, hats, scarves, gloves blankets and new children's underwear can be taken to a bank location  (www.bankofutah.com)
• Trolley Square, 600 S. 700 East, will be collecting gently used shoes to benefit Soles4Souls, through Jan. 31. Donation bins will be available at all mall entrances. (www.trolleysquare.com or www.giveshoes.org)

Just reading this incomplete list makes me stop for a minute, as I sit here typing away on one of multiple computers we have in our warm home with our fully stocked refrigerator and closets.  There are so many needs out there that it can be a bit overwhelming.  

Okay Janet.  Breathe, pick something, involve the kids, jump in.  It doesn't have to be a big thing, as they say, to be a big help and maybe, just maybe, give that Grinch, or worse-yet that Gimme monster, a big kick in the butt.

What have been your favorite experiences with holiday service?  Is there a need out there that you know of that I missed?  Let me know!

Sometimes He Calms the Storm...

There is a line, I believe that it is from a Christian Pop song, that says "Sometimes He calms the storm, other times He calms his child."  I like this line. 






Yesterday we went to the baptism of a sweet neighbor boy.  It was a wonderful event. His face beamed with a pure, clean light.   While we were waiting to go in to the baptism my almost-five-year-old son Jacob sat on my lap as we watched a film called Finding Faith in Christ.  You can watch it here.  Its a film about the life of Christ, from the perspective of his disciple Thomas, and shows examples of how his faith has grown.  In the film, among his other miracles, Jesus heals many people who are sick.  


Today in church Jacob turned to me and asked "What is that?"- pointing to the oxygen tank being used by a man sitting near us.  I told him.  Then he asked "But why is he shaking like that?".  "Because, honey, he is sick," I said.  "Jesus could heal him" Jake said.  "Yes, yes he could.  But, (I had to think for a minute) sometimes Jesus doesn't heal everyone that is sick.  Sometimes he just helps them feel better in their hearts."


Yes, He does.


Its a stressful time at my house.  Some of us are dealing with some hard things, things that we wish would be "calmed" or just "miraculously" go away.  Experience tells me, though, that grand, call-in-the-brass-band type miracles rarely happen.  Its okay, though. We will be fine.  


"Sometimes He calms he storm, other times He calms his child."  All we have to do is keep asking for that calm, and do our part.  And then we have our own, quiet, wonderfully sustaining private miracle of peace.


If only I could remember this ALL the time, instead of resorting to beating my head against the wall screaming for fairness in this unfair and imperfect world.


Working on it.

The Adoption Option- My Story

I have a million and one things on my list to do today, but that doesn't matter.  The timer is set, I have 30 minutes to write this post.  And I need to.  Because it is important.


November is National Adoption Month.  And adoption is a subject I feel passionately about. Very passionately.  So be prepared.


As you probably know, I was adopted by my sister when I was twelve.  As a result of cancer she contracted with a pregnancy at 18 years of age, my sister couldn't have biological children.  So, she adopted not only me, but five other children.  Dan (as a baby), Amy (from Korea- adopted at age 15), Sabrina and Jon (bi-racial African-American/white, adopted at ages five and three from the foster care system) and Katie (adopted as a baby, profoundly deaf). Once a newspaper in the Portland area did a feature on our "Rainbow" family.  Things weren't always easy with all of these kids (still aren't).  We've all had our unique bag of issues.  But we love each other, and we have each other.  We're family.


After we had our third child, our son Garrett, Spence and I weren't able to biologically have more children.  We were okay with that for a while, but once Erin (our oldest) reached about ninth grade we had a bit of a panic.  We weren't ready to be done being parents!  We are the oldest in both of our families, and our siblings and friends were still having young kids.  We didn't feel old, or eager to be "done".  We decided to look into adoption.


We thought about foreign adoption but decided it wasn't for us. The cost is high, usually at least $30K, and there are (believe it or not) weight requirements.  We knew that the chances of a birth mother here in the U.S. choosing us, an "older", non-perfect looking couple who already had three children were slim (and that way costs a lot, too).  We looked into adoption through the state.

Long story short, our family has grown from three to six wonderful children, who have blessed our lives more than I can say.
What about you?  Have you ever considered adoption?  Did you know that...

• There are 107,000 children currently waiting for permanent homes in the United States.  Hundreds waiting in the state of Utah.  Many are BABIES.  Did you know that there are many babies available right now, in Utah?
• Adoption through the state costs NOTHING.  Zero.  Zip.  Most also come with Medicaid cards, so all medical costs are covered for them until they are eighteen, even after adoption.
• Yes, these children come from high risk backgrounds.  Most are victims of abuse or neglect so they will probably have issues that you will have to work through.  Honestly, though, most people who have unplanned pregnancies are risk takers, so you may be getting the same high-risk type background in a child you adopt privately.
• You don't have to be perfect to adopt through the state.  You don't have to be rich.  You have to have a bed, and a dresser.  And love.  And realistic expectations.  And a desire to be a change-agent.    To break a cycle.  To change lives.  To have fun.  To be a parent.

Adoption isn't for everyone.  Absolutely. Its an individual choice that needs to be made with a great deal of thought and prayer.  When we were considering it, we were given some really great advice:  "If you are going into this expecting exactly the same experience you have had with your biological kids, don't do it.  If you are in it for the adventure, jump right in."  Boy, has that proven to be true.  I love my boys, though, and can't imagine life without them.  Honestly, if my boys didn't have their special needs (and don't forget, Luke and Max were born very prematurely, so most kids in "the system" don't have their needs.  Most are more like Jake) I'd want to adopt again right now.  A couple of school aged girls.  We may still do it. Probably not, but we'll see.


Here are some great sources for more information on adoption from the foster care system.  Sometime I'll write more about our adoption story with our boys, but that "timer" went off a while ago.

Cute.  Available.  Hold me back.

Utah Adoption Exchange photo listing:  Cute kids I'd like to take home right now
The Utah Adoption Exchange How the process works in Utah
FAQ's on Adoption UTDCFS Adoption Site
National Photolistings of waiting kids AdoptUSkids

A Taste of the Holiday: Pumpkin Swirl Bread

So, tell me, why is it that food (like children) doesn't
cooperate for pictures?  It usually looks
better than this.  I promise.  Keep reading.

So, I'm having lots of fun with this blogging thing-a-ma-jigger and I made myself a goal that I would post at least twice a week, and now its the-night-before-the-day-before-Thanksgiving, and here I am, with 100 things still to do, 25 people coming over in, let's see, about 36 hours, not to mention lots of cooking and my WORK-work (job) waiting for me on my computer, but heck.  I'm writing a post.  A post about Pumpkin Swirl Bread.   I think I have seriously lost it.


I got this recipe from my neighbor, I-don't-remember Who, way back in house #1, which, believe me, was a long time ago.  Since then, I've been asked for the recipe so many times its become mine.  Sorry Miss/Mrs. Who.  I know it was yours first.  Its delicious.  Fattening.  Super fattening, I'm sure.  Probably 100 bajillion calories per bite.  But, who cares.  Its Thanksgiving, right, so there's my excuse.  Plus its yummy.  And it has a vegetable, so you can give it to your kids without guilt.  And they will love it.


Pumpkin Swirl Bread


16 oz cream cheese (the real kind- not fat free-that stuff is gross!)- soften in the microwave for about 1 min.

Jake, using his great-great-grandma's egg beater.
Pretty cool.

2 eggs, beaten      1/2 c. sugar


Mix these three ingredients and set aside.


Then, in your mixer, put


2 2/3 c. flour
3 c. sugar (yep)
2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. salt


Mix  together, then add


2 c. pumpkin (this year, I was going to roast the pumpkin from the garden and use that, but, well, I didn't)
2 eggs, beaten
1 c. butter, melted ( I know, more fat, get over it)
2/3 c water (at least something is low cal)

Stir until just moistened.  Put about three quarters of the pumpkin batter into greased loaf pans. Then, spoon the cream cheese mixture on top of the batter.  Next, put the remaining batter on top of the cream cheese mixture.  Cut through the batter with a knife to make swirls- go back and forth first one way, then the other (see pic- don't look at my ugly nails).   This recipe will make two extra large, or an assortment of other sized (this time I made two large and four mini) loaves. 


Bake for 60-70 minutes at 350 degrees.  Let cool (if you can wait that long) and enjoy. Be sure not to leave this where your kids or your husband can get it, or it will be all gone by the time you get up in the morning.  Yum!

My Trip to Antarctica

An evolution of a post I originally wrote for A Little Great.

There's a very good analogy I've heard referred to many times entitled "Welcome to Holland".  Maybe you've heard it, too.  In the analogy a traveler is at first dismayed when she realizes that instead of arriving in Italy for her dream vacation, as she had expected, she has arrived in Holland.  The "gist" of the story is that sometimes in life we don't get to take the "trip" we originally envision or expect, but that the new "trip" we find ourselves on is just as good, only in different ways.  The story was originally written for parents of children with disabilities, but can also be applied to others experiencing challenges and adversity.

Over the years I've given this story a lot of thought, and lately I have decided to modify it a bit to relate more widely to my own life.  I've decided that for me life's trials and disappointments, whatever they may be, are more like a trip to ANTARCTICA.

Why?  Well, personally, I've had my share of challenges, and I often don't find the disappointing, frustrating, painful, grief-inducing experiences of life to be  "just as fun and interesting, only in a different way" as the life experiences I had originally planned and hoped for.  I find them to be HARD.  That aside, they are still worth the airfare.  

Here are a few ways that the Antarctica analogy works for me:

• On our trip to Antarctica we can learn many valuable things, just as real researchers do.  We can also experience joy, as we learn to appreciate Antarctica's unique wonders.
• Even though Antarctica can be cold and lonely at times, we can build significant  relationships with the people on our expedition with us.  Because of the harsh conditions we experience together, these relationships may even be stronger, deeper and more meaningful than the relationships we might have built if we had gone to our desired destinations and luxuriated on the beach, each engrossed in our own novels. 
• In Antarctica it is very important for researchers to have access to a radio connection to "home base" at all times.  When we are in our own Antarctica we face such harsh conditions that we also often find it necessary to rely heavily on this connection. It gives us needed guidance and assures us that someone knows and understands our location and situation. If things were easier, as in Italy, we might not choose to "use our radios" as often, missing out on this comforting information. 

Some of our "trips to Antarctica" are only short layovers.  We look back on them as times of great learning and growth.  We feel a sense of accomplishment at the discoveries we made there.  We appreciate the comforts of home more once we return.  Other times, our stays are extended. 


Regardless of the length of our stay, through making the journey we learn and grow in ways we couldn't have otherwise.  We become stronger, more compassionate towards our fellow travelers and learn on a deeper level that we truly are never alone.  


And, in the end, isn't that really better than spending endless days basking in the sun?


What do you you think?  Does this analogy work for you?  I'd love your comments.

My Little Miracles

Today is National Prematurity Awareness Day.  In honor of this day, I'd like to do a tribute to a couple of little survivors I know, my sons Lucas and Max.

Lucas was born Oct. 3, 2002 at 24 weeks gestation.  If  Lucas had been born on time he would have arrived in LATE JANUARY.  At birth he weighed 900 grams (just under two pounds) and was 13 inches long.  Thirteen inches!  Just a little handful of a boy.  Lucas' struggle for life in the NICU (newborn intensive care unit)  was a long one.  Six months long.  He was on a ventilator for four months.  I have a medical file an inch thick with records of all the procedures he received in the hospital.  He had a nissen fundoplasty  for his reflux.  He had sepsis.  He had a grade one brain bleed.  He had blood pressure issues.  He needed breathing treatments and six medications twice a day.  But he was a fighter.  In late April of 2004  he came home to us, still on oxygen and a monitor, with a g-tube for direct feeding. 

We tried EVERYTHING to get Luke to eat orally.

Max was born ten months later on August 10, 2003.  Max's birth mom had gone into labor at 23 weeks gestation, but good medical care enabled her to carry him until 27 weeks.  Max weighed 970 grams, right around two pounds, and was also 13 inches long  (Lucas was actually relatively large for his gestational age, while Max was small).  Max was on a ventilator for two weeks, and hospitalized for two months.  He also came home to us on oxygen.  As a baby, Max's biggest issue was apnea. He would stop breathing with no notice.  Scary.  

Bringing Max home from the hospital once he reached 4 lbs.

There's a lot more to the story of Lucas, Max and later little brother Jacob, but this is enough for now.  Today, I just want to celebrate them.  My awesome boys.  

Thanks for being fighters, for overcoming odds, and for bringing so much love into our home.  

You've come so far.

Lucas, age 8

Max, age 7

Lucas, Max and Jacob (born at 34 wks)

Fore more information on prematurity and what you can do to prevent it visit these sites:

March of Dimes

prematurity.org

kidshealth.org

A Post about Cats- Sort of

Cats.  Really?  A post about cats?  Well, not exactly.

First, let me say that I am not a huge pet person because I know one of the great truths of the universe: AS MUCH AS YOUR KIDS PROMISE AND SWEAR THAT THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF A PET, THEY WILL NOT END UP DOING IT!  YOU WILL!

That aside, let me tell you about my two cats, and then let me tell you where I am going with all of this.

Suki  (from Tsatsuki, from the movie Totoro, yes really) is a quiet, petite black feline. Most of the day you wouldn't know she is in the house.  She avoids attention.  EXCEPT, that is, when you need it.  She snuggles my insecure son Max to sleep every night.  She curls up with you when you are sick.  She also, though, protects herself and her own (see Theo) if she needs to.  One time, when Jacob was a baby, he scared her while she was nursing.  The two of us were almost , literally and figuratively, scarred for life.

Theo (child of Suki) is another story.  He's big and in your face when he wants something. We have to keep our door closed or he will mall us in the morning.  Purring, moving around "kneading" you, here, there, everywhere, "Get that dang cat out of here!! (sound of cat being thrown across the room)."  Won't shut up if he wants to go outside.  Kill the cat.

I was thinking about this as I laid in bed this morning after having been woken up by Theo.

Theo is like I am sometimes.  HEY WORLD!!  LOOK AT ME!!  LISTEN TO ME!!  GIVE ME ATTENTION!!

Suki is more like my friend, who even though she is going through a life-threatening illness and dealing with her own drama, doesn't ask for attention, doesn't put on a show.  Smiles.  Asks me how I am doing.  Listens.  Is there.  Suki is like the women at church who got the most secret "love" notes when I had people write them during a lesson I taught.  Quiet, unassuming women.  Strong.  Other focused.

Not that Suki is perfect.  She scratches at the carpet on the stairs.  She jumps on the counter.  

I don't think I'll start doing those things.  But I do think I might try to be just a little bit more like her.

LESSON LEARNING:  Be more of a Suki than a Theo.

The Inequality Map

My daughter shared with me an interesting article from the New York Times that one of her friends posted on Facebook.  I love having smart children with smart friends.   You can read the whole article here.  Its called "The Inequality Map".  The Sociology teacher in me loves this kind of stuff.  

Here are some highlights:

America is full of inequalities.  How can I tell which kinds are socially acceptable?

• Fitness inequality is acceptable. It is perfectly fine to wear tight workout sweats to show the world that pilates have given you buns of steel. These sorts of displays are welcomed as evidence of your commendable self-discipline and reproductive merit.  
• Moral fitness inequality is unacceptable. It is out of bounds to boast of your superior chastity, integrity, honor or honesty. Instead, one must respect the fact that we are all morally equal, though our behavior and ethical tastes may differ.

• Income inequality is acceptable. If you are a star baseball player, it is socially acceptable to sell your services for $25 million per year (after all, you have to do what’s best for your family). If you are a star C.E.O., it’s no longer quite polite to receive an $18 million compensation package, but everybody who can still does it  
• Spending inequality is less acceptable. If you make $1 billion, it helps to go to work in jeans and black T-shirts. It helps to live in Omaha and eat in diners. If you make $200,000 a year, it is acceptable to spend money on any room previously used by servants, like the kitchen, but it is vulgar to spend on any adult toy that might give superficial pleasure, like a Maserati. 

• Technological inequality is acceptable. If you are the sort of person who understands the latest hardware and software advances, who knows the latest apps, it is acceptable to lord your superior connoisseurship over the aged relics who do not understand these things.

 

• Cultural inequality is unacceptable. If you are the sort of person who attends opera or enjoys Ibsen plays, it is not acceptable to believe that you have a more refined sensibility than people who like Lady Gaga, Ke$ha or graffiti.
• Jock inequality is unacceptable if your kid is an average performer on his or her youth soccer team. If your kid is a star, then his or her accomplishments validate your entire existence. 
  

• Vocation inequality is acceptable so long as you don’t talk about it. Surgeons have more prestige than valet parkers, but we do not acknowledge this. On the other hand, ethnic inequality — believing one group is better than another — is unacceptable (this is one of our culture’s highest achievements).  

So, what do you think?  Anything here bother you?  Interest you?  Notice any other interesting contradictions in American culture lately?  I'd love to hear about them.

LESSON LEARNING:  Be careful.  Equality is a touchy subject.  As much as we might shout about it from the rooftops, most of us still have our own prejudices. 

And don't forget to check out the original article here.

The Gratitude Attitude or A Different Kind of Nester

There have been lots of changes afoot at the Sanders' home lately.  Garrett left on his mission 18 days ago.  It feels like longer.  Sometimes I still think things like, "I'll have to have Garrett help me with this or that computer thingy" or "Its okay, Garrett will eat up the rest".  And then I remember, nope, he can't, he won't.  But its okay, its good.  He's doing well, better all the time, adjusting to the regimented world of the MTC.  Growing and learning about himself and the gospel.  I'm so proud of him.

Mikell isn't engaged yet, but it won't be long.  She's busy with her cute boy in Provo most of the time, and that's okay.  Last night they came up and we went shopping and for pizza and watched a movie.  It was great. 

And now, Erin is also moving back out.  She has some nice friends in Provo who just had a space open up in their apartment (house, actually) and she's going to take it.  I am supportive, they are fun girls, and very much like Erin.  They like to talk about issues and watch Dr. Who, just like Erin.  And they have "guy friends" who hang out at their house all of the time.  Older, LDS, nerdy guy friends.  Just Erin's type.

So, why, as I write about all of these good things, do I feel like breaking down and crying?  Really.  A lot.  My nest is not empty.  It is filled with three awesome little boys, and a great husband.  It just isn't the same.  I miss my big kids.  It makes me sad that they are now visitors, that soon none of them will live here. I am a boob.

I can't imagine if I didn't have the little boys, and this was "It". What if I really was an "empty nester" now?  I've thought about that quite a bit lately. So weird.  I don't feel nearly old enough.  I wonder if that is how everyone feels.  I was in such a hurry to be done having kids before I was thirty.  Why?   


I know that if we hadn't adopted the boys we would be in a different "place" right now.  I would probably have finished up my administrative endorsement and might be a principal.  I would definitely still be teaching in the classroom, instead of just online.  We would have more money, maybe we could travel more.  Maybe it would be enough.  Can't say.  Chances are, I'd still be a boobing it up right about now.

So, I am thinking that I am going to start a gratitude journal, to help me get through these growing pains, this time of adjustment.  Every day, at least until Thanksgiving, I'm going to make a list of things I am grateful for- some of the many good things in my life.  It might even make me happier, less stressed and healthier, like it says here, here and here .

Wow.  Impressive.  Not happening.

Gratitude Journal, Part One
Today, I am grateful for (in no particular order):

*hair that is much softer now than it used to be before I lost it during chemo
*extended family to share holidays with
*cinnamon rolls
*contact lenses (monovision these days)
*a husband who will sit down and play Legos with the boys on a Sunday afternoon
*caffeinated mix-ins- especially wild strawberry
*children who like to crawl in my lap
*thyroid replacement hormone
*14 year old boys who brave the cold to collect fast offerings, even though they would rather be playing video games
*people who love and accept my kids

How about you?  What are you grateful for? 

ps- If you, like me, aren't ambitious enough to put together a journal like the one in the picture above, there are also some great sites online where you can put together and share gratitude journals , like this and this .  


More things I am thankful for:
11/7   1) disinfecting wipes for my half bath (I have three little boys, need I say more?), 2) ksl.com classifieds, 3) off-track camp at Herriman Rec. Center, 4)Coke Zero with vanilla and 5) people who FOLLOW and COMMENT ON my blog (ah-hem!) :)
11/8  Medications to help with my son's anxiety, EXERCISE, flat irons, a warmer day, and an evening to look forward to.
11/10  E-mails from Garrett, daughters who understand, other people's blogs, the way crying makes you feel better, DVR's. 
11/11 Getting completely caught up on work, hair dye, I love you's, veterans, husband's who have Veteran's Day off. 
11/12  Sundays with the family, chocolate no-bake cookies, "10 kisses" from Max, courageous and caring friends, boots.
11/16 Costco samples, digital cameras, cozy blankets, beautiful flowers, ibuprofen. 
11/18 Cell phones, pinterest, grapes, growing sons, loving daughters, Redbox.

Money, Moolah, Dinero, the Green Stuff

Today in Sunday School I taught the Marriage and Family Relations "Finance" lesson.  The lesson no one is supposed to like, but everyone needs.  I actually really enjoyed it, maybe because I had a great group there today and most of us were in the mood to talk.  The lesson got me thinking a bit about money and some interesting things I've learned about it over the years.


First, a  little history.


My dad (age 54 when I was born) put himself through college during the Great Depression.  Yes, THE Great Depression.  He was tight with money, except maybe when it came to spending it on himself.  


When I was a little girl we belonged to he country club.  At one point we lived in a really exclusive area of San Diego and had a live in maid.  My dad drove very nice cars and played a lot of golf.   He eventually ended up losing a lot of money by hanging on to some stock too long.  I didn't really understand what was going on at the time, but I remember him getting upset when he read the stock reports in the morning paper.  


Then, when I moved in with my sister when I was ten and my sister was nineteen (and her husband twenty-one), I quickly moved down the economic ladder.  Mike was in the Navy, and was kicked out of the ROTC-type program he was in when he let his grades slip while my sister nearly died of Cancer.  The Navy had asked him which one was more important, the Navy or his family, and in their eyes he had given the "wrong" answer.  When I was a teenager it seemed to me that we had NO money.  I remember being so poor that we didn't have the money to take the city bus without looking in the couch.  I typically had two pairs of pants at a time, and two pairs of shoes.  I remember my junior and senior year having these hideous green pants that I hated and a pair of jeans.  I sewed many of my clothes from .99 a yard fabric.  


When I went off to BYU I was determined to pay my way through school without debt.  I did it.  I never had a car, rarely ate out, and spent my late nights (Sun-Thurs) working as a custodian from 10:00pm to 2:00am.  One time I lived for two weeks on a box of Malt-o-Meal and a bag of apples.  In the summers I worked at least full time. 


When Spence and I got married we paid for most of the wedding ourselves.  I think our budget was $500.  I sewed dresses for the sisters and maid of honor, and Aloha shirts for the brothers out of more of that .99/yard fabric.  But it worked.   I was married to the right person, in the right place, and that was what mattered.  We were happy.


Since we've been married I've assumed the role of the tight-wad most times, while my husband is a bit freer with the money.  Not irresponsible, just different. He grew up in a different family than I did when it came to money, so his attitudes are a bit different.  That's the way it goes when you are married.  You work it out (or you don't, and have big issues).


Here are some things I've learned about money over the years:


*Money doesn't buy happiness.  Significant research backs me up.  People are more stressed, and therefore less happy, when their income falls below a certain level (recently determined to be $75K- see Time Magazine).  Above that, however, money doesn't make you happier.  My richest time, as a kid, was also my most miserable time.


*Tough times can actually be some of the happiest, when you are going through them together.  I remember a Christmas when my husband was out of work and our budget was really limited.  We talked to the kids about it and they were awesome.  It was a great Christmas.  We made things for each other and it was fun keeping them a secret.  Don't keep your struggles from your kids.  They will generally step up if they know whats going on.


*Be careful with credit.  Do you really NEED that new car?  We've chosen to drive older cars and its made us more able to spend our money on things that we will remember like trips with the family.  


*Spend your money making memories.  This past summer we took a three-week, cross country trip in our van with the eight of us.  It was awesome (believe it or not) even though we did it on a budget. I know we'll all be talking about it for the rest of forever.  "Remember that time..."

*You often get more pleasure from small indulgences that mean a lot to you (fresh flowers, good bread, etc.) than from big-ticket items like TV's.  The fun that comes from those things fades quickly.  See Scientific American- Can Money Buy Happiness?.


And the next time you feel poor, watch this, and count your blessings:

 For more information see The 2010 Miniature Earth Project

The Road to the MTC

I love this picture- wish Spence and Erin were in it, too.

Now, here we are, October, 2011.  My baby, the Gare-bear, is in the Missionary Training Center (MTC) where he will stay until he heads to Buenos Aires, Argentina, in December.  How did this happen?

When Garrett was a little boy he sang “I Hope they Call Me on a Mission” with the best of them.  We always assumed that he would go.  We were active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of course he would go.  It was an easy decision, a no-brainer. 

Then, suddenly, it was time to actually commit to going, to turn in the papers, to make the decision official.  And it wasn’t so easy.  Garrett wanted to know for himself that it was the right thing to do .  So he thought about it a lot, prayed about it a lot.  Waited a bit.  Did it again. 

We talked about it.  A lot.  With Garrett, I’ve learned that there is a line.  You push too hard, he pushes back.  It needs to be his decision.  Finally we all said, you know, maybe you just need to jump in, submit the papers, then see how you feel.  He decided to do it.  On his own timeline.  Because he was ready.

Once he did he felt good.  Right.  Scared a bit, too.  Sad about leaving us, and his girlfriend.  Nervous.  He got his call May 4, 2011.  He was going to Buenos Aires, Argentina.  He was thrilled.  It was EXACTLY where he wanted to go.  He felt sure that he had made the right decision. 

Time passed. He wasn’t leaving until October 19th.  Who had ever heard of a wait that long?  He turned in his papers at the end of March, and had expected to leave in weeks, a few months at the most.  We had heard of others who were leaving that fast.  But not Garrett.  So, he kept working, playing, hanging out with friends.  Getting closer and closer to his girlfriend.  He quit his restaurant job towards the end because he couldn’t stand it any more.  I was worried that he would sleep his life away and play too many hours of video games.  He did, for a while, then he decided that was stupid, and he started working out, doing things with me, playing with his brothers, bringing his friends around our house even more.  This time turned out to be a gift.  A gift to me.

The big day of Garrett's leap into a new part of life was approaching.  We planned his farewell- a celebration of Garrett and his desire to serve others and the Lord.  It was a wonderful event, a wonderful weekend (see previous post).  

The days ticked by.  We made lists of things he still needed to buy, needed to do.  We checked things off.  Bags were packed. It was time.


I was a little (well, more than a little) worried about Garrett going.  Was he going to be okay?  How would he handle the separation from his girlfriend?  Would she be okay?  How would he handle all of the rules?  Would they make him want to rebel?

Ah, parenting older children.  Full of lessons for the parents.  You just can't control, or fix, everything for your kids.  As much as you would give your life to do it.

His setting apart as a missionary was beautiful, amazing.  The blessing he was given was perfect, just what he needed.  Just what I needed. 

Garrett with his "last meal",
fittingly a Caesar Salad

The big day came.  We drove him to Provo.  Went to lunch.  He clowned around with his brothers, pulled faces for the camera.  We drove to the MTC.  He smilingly said he felt like he was going to throw up.  Said that maybe he needed another month.  Decided it wouldn’t make a difference, he was as ready as he could be.  Pulled up to our assigned spot, number 25.  A couple of elders helped him take out his luggage from the van.  They told me that Garrett was going to be okay, that this was a good place, that he was going to be well taken care of.  His friend (brother for the day) took a video of us saying goodbye.  We took a few pictures.  The whole thing took maybe three minutes.

We drove away, bawling.  Breathe, Janet.  I’ve said that a lot these past days.  The first few days after we left him at the MTC I felt weird- sad in spurts, anxious, emotionally worn out.  I'm doing better every day- less anxious.  More peaceful.  I've sent letters and a package- just some treats and little holiday things and such.  I want him to know that we love him, that we support him, that he is going to be okay.  More than okay.  He is, and is going to be, wonderful.

And so are we.