My Top Ten (um, well Fifteen) Tips for Surviving and Enjoying Wedding Planning

Jake looks things over right before
the big event.

This last year we had a daughter and a son get married within six months. 

Looking back, I'm not exactly sure how I survived, especially since I was working two jobs and keeping our family going at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, the jobs were a blessing, because they allowed us to be able to PAY for the two weddings. It was tough at times, though, and I learned a lot. 

Here are my tips for surviving, and yes, even enjoying wedding planning, whether for yourself, or for your kids (it really was lots of fun, most of the time):

15.  Get started early.  Look at sites such as Pinterest for ideas on color schemes and decorating.  Be careful with attending bridal shows, they give the impression that you HAVE to have everything they are advertising, and you really don't.  

Outside the Salt Lake Temple

14.  Book your venue ASAP.  If you are getting married in a popular church or LDS temple, for example, spots may fill up fast.  Also call around to reception venues for their prices and availability. Consider a mid-week reception to save money, or ask family/friends if you might be able to host your reception in their beautiful yards.  They may be happy to oblige, especially if you offer to pay for additions to their landscaping (flowers, lighting, etc) that they can enjoy even after the event.

13.  Enter contests to win freebies.  Even if you don't win, you may get valuable discounts.  My daughter did this with wedding photography, and even though she didn't win the "grand prize" she did get a voucher for a $250 session.

12.  Have something to do at your reception.  We had a photo booth at my daughter's wedding that was a lot of fun and only cost a few hundred dollars.  The groom's aunt and uncle brought a wonderful sound system and had a great time putting together a playlist for dancing that was perfect.  People even danced! 

Me doing a hip check with the groom's mom

11.  Give relatives the wedding colors far in advance of the event, so they can wear color coordinating clothes if they want.  It helps nieces, nephews, etc. feel a part of things without you providing them with an outfit.

10.   Use local websites such as ksl.com or Craigslist to find deals.  We found our linens, chair rentals, and photo booth this way.  We saved money and were very happy with the service.  Ask for references before you book with an unknown company.

9.  If things go wrong, ask for a discount or "freebie".  The TV at the hall where we held Mikell's reception wasn't working on the day of the reception and so we had to bring our own TV, which was a hassle.  I expressed my frustration at the inconvenience, and we got two extra hours to set up at no cost.

Grandmas linens on the tables and chairs

8.  Speaking of which, allow plenty of time to set up your decorations.  It will take more decorations, and take longer to set them up than you think.  Bring extra decorations along with you when you set up- you may end up using them, and you will be glad that you don't have to make an extra panicked trip. Raid your house, and ask your friends if you can borrow decor items from them that fit the wedding theme.

7.  When people volunteer to help, take them up on their offer.  Let them run an errand for you, help you clean your house for guests or help serve at the rehearsal dinner.  Don't ask for too much- say "Could you help serve from 6:00-8:00pm?".  Be specific. Have everything they need ready for them when they come to help and be sure to thank them afterwards!

6.  Assign people to be in charge of things like food, decorations and music on the day/night of your event.  You will be too busy during the event to be in charge of everything, and besides, you want to be able to enjoy yourself and visit with guests.

5.  Don't put things off until the last minute.  If you are sewing or buying clothing for the wedding party, for example, make sure that you are done well in advance of the event, so that minor adjustments can be made if necessary. 

The "sibs" catch a dance

4.  Keep the food simple.  Very few people really care or remember what they eat at a reception.  Have something savory as well as something sweet, if possible.  We did nice meats and cheese from Costco on borrowed platters, chocolate dipped strawberries that we made ourselves, and water with lemon in it in pretty decanters.  That, plus the cake, was PLENTY, and cost us a fraction of what it would have been to have even the simplest food catered. When it comes to the cake, get recommendations from people you know and trust before you go with an unknown to save money.  Just because a cake is cheaper doesn't mean it will be a better deal if it is late, doesn't taste good or doesn't look as promised.

Mindi's Floral did a beautiful job

3. Ask for favors/discounts.  If you have friends/acquaintances who are in wedding related fields (florists, cake decorators, photographers, etc.) see if perhaps you can come to a mutually beneficial agreement.  People who are building their businesses may be willing to work for a discount if you give them promotion at the event (put out business cards, etc.) and through social media afterwards if you are satisfied with their service.  We did this, and it worked out really well for us, and got more business for our friends.  Its a win-win.  

2.  Let the bride/groom make their own decisions.  This can be hard for the Mom, but you don't want to be THAT MIL.  It is THEIR day, after all, even if your day, way back when, wasn't all that great and you really wish you had done XYZ so you REALLY want them to do it.  

And, (drum roll please)....

My most important tip-  REMEMBER THE BUDGET!!

1) Set a budget

2) Share that budget with others who are helping you plan

3) Use your budget to help you make decisions 

4) Keep track of your expenses and... 

STICK TO YOUR BUDGET!!  

This will save endless amounts of grief, stress and conflict before, during and after the big day. When its all over, whether you had the perfect wedding favor or hors d'oeuvre won't really matter anyway.  Its the people you will remember.

Speaking of people, THANK YOU AGAIN to all of those friends and family who helped with our 2012 weddings.  We couldn't have done it without you.

Our family on Matt and Mikell's big day

Do you have any wedding planning tips I may have forgotten?  Please leave a comment.

Two Weddings: Part Two- Garrett and Ashlie

Garrett and Ashlie were married on August 17, 2012 in the Salt Lake City LDS temple.  They had been dating for over three years, and we'd been feeling for a while like she was almost a member of our family.  She'd seen us hug our kids and yell at them.  She'd been on camping trips with us and seen us with morning hair. Garrett and Ashlie have always had a relationship remarkably mature for their years. Ashlie is truly one of the nicest (to everyone), most compassionate people I know, and the two of them are a great fit for each other.

Right after he asked her

It was on one of our family camping trips that Garrett and Ashlie got engaged. Garrett was so cute and nervous.  He proposed to her on the beach when we first got to the Bear Lake.  Her family had secretly driven up there too, and we all waited in the bushes until he gave us the signal to jump out and share in their happiness.  

It was different being on the "grooms" side of wedding planning. Not as involved as with Mikell's wedding, but still a pretty big deal. 

Ashlie, as anyone who knows her could probably tell you, has a unique spirit.  She calls her style "hippie chic".  Ashlie designed her own ring, a green amethyst surrounded by a halo of diamonds.  She found her dress at a bridal store, then added sleeves and modified the hem to show off her crocheted barefoot sandals.  Instead of a veil, she wore a pretty headband.

My kids (old and new) outside the Salt Lake Temple

I volunteered to make the bridesmaids dresses for their wedding, just like I had for Mikell's.  They were made of off-white eyelit and had somewhat of the "hippie" vibe.  There was a bit of drama as necklines went up, came down, then back up again for some.  Sleeves were modified (too "poofy", don't like the bands) and ribbons added.  In the end, they turned out great, just like everything else Ashlie puts her mark on.   

Linens from Great Grandma

As part of our "grooms side" duties we were also responsible for the "Rehearsal" dinner the night before the wedding.  Partly out of my need to save money, and partly because we wanted to include everyone we could, we decided, against the advice of those who loved us and worried for our sanity, to do the whole dinner ourselves (with help from family and friends, of course).  It was actually lots of fun with yummy food, vintage decor (including handkerchiefs from Garrett's great-great grandma) gathered from here there and everywhere, and silly games and visiting.  

Mikell at the reception

The wedding itself was wonderful. I felt so blessed to be sitting there in the beautiful Salt Lake temple with my family around me.  SO blessed.  Couldn't keep the tears back no matter how hard I tried.

Ashlie and her family put on a great reception in her family's back yard.  It was beautiful and so much fun.  The highlight of the evening was when we all embarrassed ourselves by doing a "flash mob" on the family's deck.  Spence didn't want to do it at first, but we all ended up having a blast. You can watch us make fools of ourselves below.  

After the flashmob the reception wound down, paper lanterns were lit and released, the happy couple drove away and those brave (and crazy) enough jumped (clothes and all) into Ashlie's family's pool.  

A fitting end to a wonderful wedding and reception, Garrett and Ashlie style.  

What is your favorite memory from Garrett and Ashlie's wedding?  Leave a comment below.

Two Weddings: Part One- Mikell and Matt

We had two weddings in our family this past year.  Two of MY CHILDREN are married.  This is entirely weird, but entirely wonderful and right-feeling at the same time. 

My daughter Mikell and her now-husband Matt Koster were married April 21,2012 in the Oquirrh Mountain LDS temple.  It was a beautiful, but crazy, day, fairly long in coming since they were officially engaged at Thanksgiving, and "basically" engaged long before that. 

Getting ready for a wedding was a new experience for me.  In Pride and Prejudice when oldest daughterJane and Mr. Bingley announce their plans to get married Jane's father states   "You are a good girl, and I have great pleasure in thinking you will be so happily settled. I have not a doubt of your doing very well together. Your tempers are by no means unlike. You are each of you so complying, that nothing will ever be resolved on..." 

Spence and I have joked that this quote could DEFINITELY have been written about Mikell and Matt when it came to wedding planning.  What should we do about (flowers, the cake, decorations, food, etc. etc. etc)?  I don't know, what do YOU think?  I don't know, what do YOU think?  Round and round. 

To be fair, Mikell always said that it wasn't that she was indecisive, it was that most of the details didn't matter- the fact that she was marrying the right PERSON in the right place was what mattered.  The reception was just a party, after all.

Everything came together remarkably well.  We got an amazing deal on a dress that she loved and that fit her perfectly our first day shopping.  The mother of the boy Mikell was voted "Most likely to get married" to in middle school volunteered to do her flowers at cost.  A friend who was building her photography business gave us a great deal since it was her first big wedding shoot.  My daughter Erin was working for an invitation company at the time, and was able to get beautiful invitations for a great price.  Friends and family came from across the country and world to help.  It was a beautiful day.  One thing after another just fell into place.  

That's not to say that the whole thing wasn't stressful.  Oh my, no.  I was an emotional basket-case for most of the day.  Matt walked in on my husband Spence and I "exchanging words" just before we went to set up the hall for the reception.  Oh dear.
 
And we had been up until 4:00am dipping strawberries the night before.  

I don't think I really relaxed until the reception was most of the way over.  Then, I didn't want it to end.  

If I had it to do again, I wouldn't change too much.  I'd take better care of myself, and take on less (sewing, food, decorating, etc) if I could afford to.    

That aside, it was a wonderful, fun, big-ole parental pay day, capped off by Matt and Mikell telling us that everything was "Perfect" and that they "Wouldn't change a thing". Whether that is entirely true or not, it means a lot to me that they've said it.  Click on this link to see a great video summary of the day from their photographer.

Love, love love them.  More now than I did the day they were married.  I'm excited to have Matt in our family. I'm not sure I could pick anyone that would be a better fit for my Kell-Bell.  What a good guy.  I knew it from the first time he came to our house, before they were really even dating, when he played so well with and was so attentive to my little boys.  Yep, he's a keeper.

Lesson learning:  Stay tuned for this, thinking I'll put together some kind of "Top Ten" list of things I've learned after I write about Garrett and Ashlie's big day :)

What do YOU remember from Matt and Mikell's wedding? I'd love to see your comments below.