The Gratitude Attitude or A Different Kind of Nester

There have been lots of changes afoot at the Sanders' home lately.  Garrett left on his mission 18 days ago.  It feels like longer.  Sometimes I still think things like, "I'll have to have Garrett help me with this or that computer thingy" or "Its okay, Garrett will eat up the rest".  And then I remember, nope, he can't, he won't.  But its okay, its good.  He's doing well, better all the time, adjusting to the regimented world of the MTC.  Growing and learning about himself and the gospel.  I'm so proud of him.

Mikell isn't engaged yet, but it won't be long.  She's busy with her cute boy in Provo most of the time, and that's okay.  Last night they came up and we went shopping and for pizza and watched a movie.  It was great. 

And now, Erin is also moving back out.  She has some nice friends in Provo who just had a space open up in their apartment (house, actually) and she's going to take it.  I am supportive, they are fun girls, and very much like Erin.  They like to talk about issues and watch Dr. Who, just like Erin.  And they have "guy friends" who hang out at their house all of the time.  Older, LDS, nerdy guy friends.  Just Erin's type.

So, why, as I write about all of these good things, do I feel like breaking down and crying?  Really.  A lot.  My nest is not empty.  It is filled with three awesome little boys, and a great husband.  It just isn't the same.  I miss my big kids.  It makes me sad that they are now visitors, that soon none of them will live here. I am a boob.

I can't imagine if I didn't have the little boys, and this was "It". What if I really was an "empty nester" now?  I've thought about that quite a bit lately. So weird.  I don't feel nearly old enough.  I wonder if that is how everyone feels.  I was in such a hurry to be done having kids before I was thirty.  Why?   


I know that if we hadn't adopted the boys we would be in a different "place" right now.  I would probably have finished up my administrative endorsement and might be a principal.  I would definitely still be teaching in the classroom, instead of just online.  We would have more money, maybe we could travel more.  Maybe it would be enough.  Can't say.  Chances are, I'd still be a boobing it up right about now.

So, I am thinking that I am going to start a gratitude journal, to help me get through these growing pains, this time of adjustment.  Every day, at least until Thanksgiving, I'm going to make a list of things I am grateful for- some of the many good things in my life.  It might even make me happier, less stressed and healthier, like it says here, here and here .

Wow.  Impressive.  Not happening.

Gratitude Journal, Part One
Today, I am grateful for (in no particular order):

*hair that is much softer now than it used to be before I lost it during chemo
*extended family to share holidays with
*cinnamon rolls
*contact lenses (monovision these days)
*a husband who will sit down and play Legos with the boys on a Sunday afternoon
*caffeinated mix-ins- especially wild strawberry
*children who like to crawl in my lap
*thyroid replacement hormone
*14 year old boys who brave the cold to collect fast offerings, even though they would rather be playing video games
*people who love and accept my kids

How about you?  What are you grateful for? 

ps- If you, like me, aren't ambitious enough to put together a journal like the one in the picture above, there are also some great sites online where you can put together and share gratitude journals , like this and this .  


More things I am thankful for:
11/7   1) disinfecting wipes for my half bath (I have three little boys, need I say more?), 2) ksl.com classifieds, 3) off-track camp at Herriman Rec. Center, 4)Coke Zero with vanilla and 5) people who FOLLOW and COMMENT ON my blog (ah-hem!) :)
11/8  Medications to help with my son's anxiety, EXERCISE, flat irons, a warmer day, and an evening to look forward to.
11/10  E-mails from Garrett, daughters who understand, other people's blogs, the way crying makes you feel better, DVR's. 
11/11 Getting completely caught up on work, hair dye, I love you's, veterans, husband's who have Veteran's Day off. 
11/12  Sundays with the family, chocolate no-bake cookies, "10 kisses" from Max, courageous and caring friends, boots.
11/16 Costco samples, digital cameras, cozy blankets, beautiful flowers, ibuprofen. 
11/18 Cell phones, pinterest, grapes, growing sons, loving daughters, Redbox.